This is My Struggle

The Law Of One, The Law Is One

Today I woke up feeling lonely and displaced. I was wondering why I always feel this way in my own home.  I have no desire to clean, do laundry or any of the other things that a mom and housewife would do in her home.  All I think about is finding a way to be more than the physical; finding a way to be more than what I am now.  I am afraid in this desire to do something great.  I have so many ideas.  I want to reach out to people.  I want to show them what I know so that they might experience the same blissful desire that is so much more than a job, housework, laundry and raising children.  Yet, in this idea, I am isolated.  That is a better way of putting it.  I am isolated in my own home.  I don't choose this isolation, but have to be here out of my earthly obligations. I am isolated because of lack of time, money and something else....I don't know what this other factor is yet.... This is my struggle. 

So to turn the page....I have a few visions.
I have noticed the intent push from my Being and to lay my hands on certain people.  They will talking about something that is bothering them or hurting them.  I will get this surge of Energy from the Earth in my Root Chakra, then it flows up threw me to my Heart Chakra and out through my hands. Then the rest of my body and Chakras flow together and then in my mind's eye I see what is wrong, sometimes clearly, sometimes not.  I then think or hear something in my Being saying to touch them at a certain area, or to massage a trigger point or a certain reflex point.  For the first time, I followed my intuition and did what I was told to do.  This woman was someone that I knew only professionally. She teaches my son a sport.  She was complaining of hip pain.  I kept thinking that it wasn't really her hip, but her body was transferring the pain from somewhere else and I needed to massage the area in her hand between her thumb and index finger.  I asked her if I could and she said yes.  I took a deep breath found the knot and squeezed. She said it was tender.  It turns out that it was about in the place of the trigger point that connects to the diaphragm and the solar plexus, adrenal gland and kidneys.   I told her a little about reflexology and that she could massage her hands herself in certain areas to help her discomfort. She then showed me her feet and how swollen they were. She was retaining water. She said that my hands were hot and that I seemed to be good at it.  I just smiled and tried to send her Love while I was holding her hand.  The next day when my husband took my son to class again, she told him that she was comfortable within the hour of my massaging her hand for those few minutes and that the swelling in her feet went down as well.  I couldn't believe it.  What a wonderful feeling to have help someone in such a small way just by doing what The Creator was telling me to do.  And all the while I was scared to death.
So what is the worst thing that could have happened. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Except the feeling of discord from not following the Voice (a very loud One) and doing what I was MADE to do.

So in these Visions, Daydreams, Meditation Thoughts, etc....I see myself leading...teaching...healing...mostly healing.  First I am healed through the Power of The Creator. As I use the Energy from the Earth and The Creator, others are placed in my path by coincidence (I don't really believe in coincidence) or shall we say Divine Purpose to receive this Healing as well. However as I am having these images, I feel an intense push for time.  The Message says, "Time is short, quit stalling."

To bring this all together...
I am afraid. I am afraid of the consequences of doing nothing. Yet I sit still because I can't get past the fact that I have no training, no money to do the training and obligations at home.  So still I sit still, very still.  I know what it is that I am suppose to be doing. However I feel lonely, unprepared, uneducated, isolated, and misunderstood.

When I was about 7 years old, a woman came to my church that was a missionary.  She came up to me after the service and asked me if she could talk with me and pray with me.  Of course I said yes, I was just a kid.  She told me that God has something very special for me to do.  She said that God was going to use my hands and my voice for as an Instrument.  Being a child at that time, I thought maybe I was going to play music and sing.  But now looking back I am suppose to teach and let the power of the Earth and The Creator flow through my voice and my hands.
Then I learned later that my name meant Love and Purity.  I have rejected these ideas for many reasons until here recently.

I am an Instrument of Love and Purity; I am a Healer; I am a Teacher; Thanks to the Grace, Gnosis, Love and Forgiveness of The Infinite Creator, and Yeshua.

However, I still feel fear. This is my struggle.

Until next time....
"I leave you in the Love and the Light of the One Infinite Creator. Go forth, then, rejoicing in the Power and Peace. Adonai" -- "Ra" from the book The Law Of One