Fighting Defeat (P.S Added Later)

I am forcing myself to write this morning.  I need to. I have thought about many things that I wanted to sort through, but I haven't taken the time to get off my ass to get a piece of paper or come to the computer.

I haven't meditated since Friday night and it shows.  I have prayed a tiny bit, but only because I wanted to my Creator to be acknowledged at the end of day.  Maybe out of obligation. Isn't that horrible?
Saturday was an incredibly stressful day and Sunday was spent sleeping and eating ice cream. Lots of ice cream.

Saturday a social worker came to our house to do a case study for the adoption process.  My husband is adopting my son from my first marriage.  It is a good thing and things went very well while the social worker was here.  It last four hours.  I am very relieved that it is over.  Now all we have to do is wait for the final court date and the judge to sign off on everything.  So hopefully it will final in July or August.

Then Saturday night (without going into much detail), my mother-in-law really hurt me.  She didn't mean to.  She is such a different woman and I recognize our differences and respect them.  I always have. I just couldn't help it.  What she said to me really knocked me down. I have allowed her opinion to let doubt and worthlessness to creep back inside of me.

My back really hurts around my heart chakra.  I have been having problems there for awhile and I thought that I might have opened it up for the Love to move the insecurity. That happened on Thursday or Friday night during my prayer and meditation. It's a really good story. Remind me to tell you about that later. Anyhow, the pain is back.

So today is Monday....my kids are fighting...again....right now, as I type.  I feel defeated when it comes to my house, my kids and this back pain.  I am fighting a war between my kids and the upkeep of the house.  (Sigh) Sometimes I feel as I can't control my children.  They aren't bad kids, they just try their damnedest to walk all over me.  Sometimes they laugh at me. (Sigh)

Chin up...Head up...Fight. Fight. Fight. I will keep telling myself today to keep moving...don't stop..don't sit down. Do something. Clean up the clutter. Don't become angry. Move in Love.  If I don't I will fall apart.  I really dislike the immense effort I have to put into just trying not to fall apart.

Maybe I need to cry.
When I cried on Saturday night, it didn't feel good. But I do remember thinking that I haven't cried in awhile.

I don't know.

P.S.


As soon as I finished writing this particular blog, I got a message from a friend...it is as follows... 
I wrote: Hello! I keep having the reoccurung thought about hypnotism. I was wondering if you knew a good hypnotherapist, preferably female, that was legit and trustyworthy.? I have been studying this book called ''Hands of Light'' and come to discover that when I feel I am about to turn turn up the heat with what I am striving for, something knocks me over. I got knocked over hard core yesterday. Anyway everytime I pick up the book, that is the message that I get. Hypnotism. The book isnt talking about that. Anyway, let me know what you know about that. blessings, Kate 


She Wrote: (*some words omitted for privacy*) Many *** are hypnotherapists...locally, I do not know one off the top of my head. I do know that many Hypnotherapists LOVE *** because it is soooo much faster and gets to the bottom of things easily and gently. YET - I also know that if you are triggered to 'learn or investigate' anything...there is a reason. So - read - visit - ask around - etc...TRUST that you will find exactly what you are seeking! Finally - one thing about these *** classes is that WHEN you are 'given the call' to attend - there is a REAL reason that may or may not be revealed until you get there. That was definitely true for me....in other words, triggers become more prevalent - anxiety is 'booted' up - and clarity will soon come! Know that. We can surely dig on the 'hypnotism' trigger when you come to class...it is always interesting to see - feel - know where and why these messages present themselves. Have a great day! Good luck in your search...be open to UNLIMITED possibilites...MIRACLES.


I wrote back: Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and Love. I have felt defeated in so many areas over the weekend. I just finished blogging about it and then your message popped up. I love the way Love and The Creator works to heal and to get the message out that we are not alone