Break The Silence

I haven't written in awhile for many reasons.....the most important one being that I have had a very strong sense to be silent.

So to break the silence I will say, HAPPY NEW YEAR.

It is the long awaited year of 2012.....

I have many beliefs about what might happen this year, however nothing scares me and one thing is for certain, there is no such thing as a permanent end to existence.

I am excited for many things to expanded and grow in my personal life, in addition to many things dissolving and leaving room for the new. Please keep this thought in your meditations and prayers for me.

With this said, I ask for all my Light Worker brothers and sisters to lift me up in the best and highest way in the Creator's Love and Light as I move forward into a new Being. If you desire me to do this for you as well, contact me.  This is my purpose on the Earth. Remember we are all ONE.

The words for 2012 are Freedom and Peace. In addition to these words....the mantra for this year is to "BREAK THE SILENCE".

Wake up brothers and sisters and claim the universe for yourself and be One with our Almighty Creator.  Put aside FEAR and speak YOUR TRUTH.

"BREAK THE SILENCE"

Mending The Whole

Independence, Headaches, Orbs and Auras

Happy Fourth of July!!

I am infinitely grateful for America's Independence and Freedom as our Founding Fathers so dreamed of and planned. I celebrate this Ideal along with the men and woman that fought and sacrificed so graciously for.

It is a gloriously hot morning in here in Texas. The heat is ever so oppressive here and it brings the worst out of me and the kids.  Thank God for the pool!! The kids and I will be staying in the pool and under the comfort of the air conditioning with immense gratitude for my husbands hard work to make the money to pay for the outrageous electricity bill!! :)

****
So this is where I am going to change gears a bit and talk about some things that have been on my mind. (I am shifting out of reverse gear and going into first gear. Gotta back the car up to get out the parking space.)

Foremost, I started this blog with high hopes of sharing with people of like mind.  I am not sure how that is working out.  I try to put this blog out there publicly with as much searchable possibilities as my tech retarded mind will allow me. :) In addition to sharing, I had a selfish reason as well.  I wanted feedback, comments, and conversations.  I didn't care who is was from.... I just wanted to hear something, from anyone, about what they thought was happening in their lives compared to mine.  They could cuss me, praise me, uplift me or tear me down.  I just want to hear from others.  Except for a very very select few, this is NOT happening.
I do realize that I am not of what people consider "normal".  I believe that people are afraid to tell what they really think or perhaps (because of the blog's weird content), they don't even know what to say.  All of this I understand.  However still, it would cool to get an anonymous message that says, "WTF?, what are you smoking?" or "You are going to die and go to Hell. Jesus saves." or "Right on, sister!"....or even "Ummm...?????...I don't even know how to reply to that...there are no words to express my confusion."
Anyhow. It is what it is and I will continue to write regardless.

So now that we are out of first gear...I will shift into second gear.
I have experienced some very  odd and painful things in past week.  I am reluctant to talk about them with great detail, but I feel the need.  If you are reading this and you want to know more details, I will be very happy to share them with you in a private message or whatever.
So to start off, I have been having massive headaches. The are behind my eyes with great pressure to point that I cant stand to even open them...let alone read, watch TV or look at the computer screen for more than a few minutes.  In the past week, I have had a least three instances of these headaches that have lasted for more than 6 hours.  At first I thought it was allergies. So I went to the doctor and refilled my allergy medications.  This didn't help and no amount of ibuprofen, acetaminophen or naproxen have even touched the pain.  I really don't like to take allergy medication because I believe that they numb my "sixth sense" (to put it lightly).  But you do what you have to do.  Plus I already take medications for Manic Depressive Disorder, ADD, and Anxiety, which already numb my gift that The Creator has given me.  Thus, I hate to numb it even further. I would love to get off the medications, but I have a great fear of not being able to handle all the Universes messages and the Earth's energy to the point that I might go completely insane. And I know what you might be thinking at this point..."damn...you need to check yourself into the Nut House"....or "damn, you have more problems than Depression and Anxiety".  All I have to say to that is...Have you ever heard of an Indigo Child, Rainbow Child, etc?  That's me.  I am not completely of this Earth.  I am more and I remember things of my spirit that was before my birth in to my incarnate body/mind/soul complex.
So with all this said, it brings me back to my headaches.  I have been working with a certain individual in hopes of The Creator healing his/her aliments and changing some incorrect belief systems.  The Creator revealed to me some extremely heavy things about this person and when I shared them there was much resistance and fear. To be expected, right?  Anyhow, that is when the headaches started.  In addition to do doing remote prayers and requests for healings with this person, I was able to meet with this person in the physical and do a few sessions.  They were promising and at the time an overall good experience for both parties. And so while in the presence of this person, I kept thinking that I had to get away from them.  Yesterday, the headaches where so intense, I couldn't get out of bed.  I spent all day and night in bed.  Today, I am fine. A bit irritated, but I think that is because my kids are fighting. LOL.  So I suppose what I am trying to get at is...can a person's aliments and spiritual baggage be that intoxicating for me?  Why can't I protect myself from this?  Is this empathy? Or is this the way The Creator works through me?  Or is the headaches just the Texas heat and humidity?
In addition to the headaches, when I think that they might be subsiding, I experience severe melancholy along with intense realizations about the people around me or that have been around me during the day. I do believe that The Creator is telling me the truth about them.  And just so you know, I asked for it. I asked The Creator for truth. (My Theta Friends will know what I am talking about).  As you know, I can't go into detail about these things for pure respect of these people, not to mention Love for them as well.

Now I have to shift into third gear.  I had many other things that I wanted to talk about, but my mother just brought some pictures over to show me...and now I am showing them to you because they are so very exciting. (Remind me later to tell the story about my son seeing his "true self" and his "angel")
These pictures are of my son and my daughter.  All were taken in the last week.
You can judge for yourself, but I know what I see.
Please, please, leave "comments" on my blog page and tell me what you see.

Another Conversation Worth Sharing

Good morning friends!!
I hope that you are well and have used this beautiful cool Texas morning to ground yourself in the Love of Yeshua and Yahweh, The Creator of All that IS.


I wanted to share with you another conversation with a kindred spirit and friend.  Of course, it has been edited. My intentions with sharing my conversations is to share what I am learning.


****************************************************************************************************************************************

Dear Kindred Spirit,I wanted to ask you some questions.
This weekend I was so completely exhausted, but I knew why.  However today is the same and I feel awful.  I have taken it to The Creator a few times today, only to feel worse. My spine hurts, my head hurts, my stomach hurts and my ears are full.  When I ask to be shown why, I am getting horrible pains in my head.  I did not experience this over the weekend.
Am I detoxing from the intense weekend?
Is this what a healing feels like when you body is catching up to the "changes" that were made over the weekend?
Am I blocking myself in some way?
Any words of wisdom would be hugely embraced.
On a positive note....
I was chillin with my garden and loving my plants last night...this morning when I woke up I went outside and all the plants had gorgeous blooms covering them and my tomato plant has three gorgeous red tomatoes, that were small and green the night before. Too cool.
In addition, my cat and I talked a little last night (which isn't a new thing) and he put out the most wonderful energy.  I do believe that he was praying with me, when I was praying.  I have never seen an animals aura before. This morning he was very verbal to me and felt like I should follow him.  He lead me to a few different places that he had problems with.  Turns out he doesn't like where his food bowl is or where is litter box is.  Who knew? 

-Kate 

******

Kate,

 Thanks for writing.So sorry that you are experiencing these symptoms.  

YES, you are very right.  

When we open ourselves up - many things happen and need to be GENTLY let loose. 
So - be very very sure that when you go to Creator you are grounding 1st to 'allow' the excess energy 
- all that is dark and bad and heavy -
to release with several full and deep breaths...into the earth....and stay with this a few minutes.....
THEN - gently - walk up igniting all energy centers. 
STAY in the glittery pealescent light and now breath here until you are fully - YET GENTLY - open. 
ASK to clear ALL in a gently and beautiful way. 
ASK - is there anything I can do - eat - etc. that will make me integrate WITH EASE and LOVE here....
RELEASE the heaviness and irritability of anything that bothers you (and you may walk thru these 'areas' individually!)

I know when ...(text omitted)... I was confused - disoriented - and sort of overall irritated.  I was trying to 'make sense' of everything in my OLD ways of 'knowing how' to control. 
IT WAS ONLY WITH RELEASE and total 'turning it all over' that I was able to breath deeply and allow ALL that was to happen...as it should be.
 When areas in our body HOLD pain or are out of balance - we feel it. 
ALLOW. 
OPEN these areas up. 
TURN OVER this pain to flow freely. 
DO NOT hold onto the pain (unless you have belief work IN THESE AREAS that you need to release.)
Ask - you'll know - "what do I need to 'let go of' to release the tension in my back?

GIVE YOURSELF TIME. 
SLOW IT ALL DOWN (I know this is NOT something you like to do....hehe!) 
Remember - you can work on yourself one piece at a time....maybe start with your stomach so that it is 'not' disturbed with these new ideas - thoughts - openness.  Then move to your back....etc.

My last suggestion  is - get in water - drink water - cleanse with water and very earthy veggies.  This will make it easier on you....as well as being sure you have good vitamins and minerals. 
OH - and try NOT TO EAT after 5-6pm at night so your body is not working overtime.

SOON - when all this part is done and integrated....you will feel GOOD!  Probably better than you have in a long time.
Lighter. 
More easily grounded...

SO - go easily. 
Breathe through
ALLOW. 
Ground. 
Ask 'C'. (Creator)

Blessings and thanks for writing.  It will ALL BE wonderful soon.....LOVE YOURSELF!!!!

FOR ME - even today - I feel lighter - more balanced...and am starting to come 'back' to living fully on the earth.  (This may be something you want to teach yourself thru C (Creator) - how to be the spiritual being that I am WHILE living on the earth - with grace and ease!)
...
(In addition, isn't it) so fun to play in ALL there is....I LOVE it and hope ALL of your blossoms continue to bloom with love and fun!

(-Kindred Spirit) 

******

Dear Kindred Spirit,Thank you so much for the advice.
You are right, I don't like SLOW.  I think that is part of my generation.  The instant gratification thing. I will concentrate on being gentle on myself.
As for the water thing...here lately I have dreaded getting in the shower or bath.  I just don't want to do it.  I suppose that I am fighting something that I need most. I never thought of it in any other way except being lazy. LOL
I have been fighting my body as far as eating veggies.  It has been telling me to do this.  I have been getting very hungry in the afternoon for months now, only to not want dinner in the evening.
The body is so smart.
In addition to all the body things..I have been dreaming...violently. Very disturbing things, mixed with very loving things.
Also, two people have come up to me and said they know me and can't place it.... I didn't know their faces.
Then a person from my past contacted me via email with only the message saying, "I promise to always return".  This makes me nervous. It is a long story...
...
I am feeling better this morning.  I went out to the garden and found two huge cucumbers that weren't there yesterday and noticed that my Crepe Myrtle Tree had bloomed.My daughter asked me to sing to her this morning and she asked to help me bless the Crepe Myrtle Tree.
All things beautiful this morning.
...
In deep gratitude,Kate

******

Morning Kate,I loved reading your message!  Totally 'right on' and fun - right?!?!?!  I know when I found... I all of a sudden found confirmation of things I had felt ALL MY LIFE...It is like - "all is fine as it is" sort of feeling!  Every day I feel a little more and more comfortable with spirituality and "me".When I first met you, I knew immediately that you had those same feelings (like) "Where are MY people?"  
I heard a story once of a little boy born into a family that had waited and waited for him. Yet, when he started walking he was always trying to escape out the screen door.  They had to lock him in and ALWAYS watch him.  When he was about 4 he was able to "run away" again because his family had looked the other way only for a moment.  When they asked him...."why do you keep trying to leave?"  He simply said, "You people are nice and kind but I need to find MY PEOPLE!"  (that resonated with me more than you'll know!) So, in many many ways, I guess, I will always be looking for MY people. Yet, in many other ways, I know I have found MANY of them!...
I am so happy to know that you are feeling better and better....dreams - seeing - incorporating - 'walking on this earth while WANTING to play in others"....this is ALL part of it!!!!  You will be GREAT with it all very very soon...and will be helping others.........
The vibration is rising.....BLESSINGS to you and yours. 

(-Kindred Spirit)

 

Remembering, Recharging, Relearning

I found in the last few days, that I have short fleeting moments that I feel connected, whole and one with all that is around me.  I find myself glancing up at the sky and seeing in my minds eye the wholeness of myself and the Universe. The Law Is One. The Law Is Love.
I am thankful for these moments.  I am thankful for the Recharge that I receive from The Creator of All That Is as my moment completes itself.
I was enjoying with gratitude a small peaceful moment last night, as I stood by my garden. Then I was suddenly jerked back to Earth and my physical body when my daughter started throwing a fit because she thought that riding her new bike was too hard.  My Dad was close by and I turned to look for my daughter and found my Dad with his fingers in his ears.  I thought to myself, that perhaps he was some place beautiful, peaceful and quiet as well. Perhaps he isn't quite as far away from me as I think sometimes.

Below are some videos that remind me where I really belong and came from.

Sometimes with all the noise and chaos, I desire to go "home".
But then, when my children quiet down and we look each other in the eyes, they remind me with their soft words of imaginative reality, that they are Indigo Children too.

The Law Of One

You Are Not Your Name

Indigo Children

The Theta Wave Rocks My World

I don't even know where to start....I have neglected sharing my thoughts and such on my blog for fear of judgement. I think that I am over that now.


First of all, I finished a Theta Healing Class this weekend. I am now certified to practice this and I am eager to get started. 


It was good and wonderful in every way imaginable, however exhausting.  Many questions were answered for me that I have been wondering.
To explain a little...
"ThetaHealing® is a technique that focuses on thought and prayer. ThetaHealing® teaches how to put to use our natural intuition, relying upon unconditional love of Creator Of All That Is to do the actual “work”. We believe by changing your brain wave cycle to include the “Theta” state, you can actually watch the Creator Of All That Is create instantaneous physical and emotional healing."
http://www.thetahealing.com/about-thetahealing.html


To back up a little bit...
On April 23, 2011, I attended a Vinyasa Flow Yoga Class that included Guided Meditation and Vibration Healing. It was lead my Moses from the Green Bus Project.  It was very powerful and insightful. I wept at the end of class as I lay in my Child's Pose. It was a good cry, with tears of Healing and Goodness for All that there Is in my Life.
However in reflection, I had some questions and realizations:
- Where I am from, in respects to fourth Light Density?
- How will I know? Where would I get this information?
- I am a Healer that is in the self Healing stage.
- My children are distractions to my Healing.  This statement is false.  How do I overcome this illusion?
- I am a vessel of Love and Purity detoxing from Sorrow.
- Until I detox and my Healing is complete, will I be able to use my full Healing potential for Others?
- How do I overcome genetic illusions and distortions in order to Heal Self and Others?


Every question was answered in this weekend's certification for Theta Healing.
So...
I know how to get the information about my Soul in It's Fourth Light Density before I manifested on Earth.  However, I haven't asked The Creator and I have decided that I am not ready to. This information is not necessary in aiding my Being in growth at this point.


Yes, I am a Healer in the Self Healing stage, however, Life is a long journey of Healings and Enlightenment's and this fact isn't a set back in relation to My Higher Self's Purpose. In other words, I can put my problems aside and connect with The Creator in a more efficient way to aid Other's in accepting the Healing that God has for them.


I am a Vessel of Love and Purity that is no longer detoxing from Sorrow. This has been resolved.


Through what I have learned this past weekend in this class, I have been given the Tools to overcome false beliefs, illusions and distortions on the core level, genetic level, history level and Soul level.


I am excited about what the future holds and I made some incredible new friends that are kindred spirits.  I am no longer afraid to share my Gifts, Visions and Aspirations with whomever comes my way.


I have confidence in my Intuition and I will no longer brush it off as my imagination.  The Creator has told me loudly that it is His/Her Voice and to humble myself and be happy in The Light Of All That Is. Everything is so much easier in this Light and makes much more sense.

Here are some science facts about brain waves.  Keep in mind Theta Healing and how prayer, meditation and science fact inter-twine. Aren't our bodies totally awesome!!?

The four types of brain waves

Beta waves (15-30 oscillations (or waves) per second (Hz)). This is the brain rhythm in the normal wakeful state associated with thinking, conscious problem solving and active attention directed towards the outer world. You are most likely in the "beta state" while you are reading this.

Alpha waves (9-14 Hz). When you are truly relaxed, your brain activity slows from the rapid patterns of beta into the more gentle waves of alpha. Fresh creative energy begins to flow, fears vanish and you experience a liberating sense of peace and well-being. The "alpha state" is where meditation starts and you begin to access the wealth of creativity that lies just below our conscious awareness. It is the gateway that leads into deeper states of consciousness.

Theta waves (4-8 Hz). Going deeper into relaxation and meditation, you enter the "theta state" where brain activity slows almost to the point of sleep. Theta brings forward heightened receptivity, flashes of dreamlike imagery, inspiration, and,sometimes, your long-forgotten memories. It can also give you a sensation of "floating".

Theta is one of the more elusive and extraordinary realms we can explore. It is also known as the twilight state which we normally only experience fleetingly as we rise up out of the depths of delta upon waking, or drifting off to sleep. In theta, we are in a waking dream, and we are receptive to information beyond our normal conscious awareness. Some people believe that theta meditation awakens intuition and other extrasensory perception skills.

Delta waves (1-3 Hz). This slowest of brainwave activity is found during deep, dreamless sleep. It is also sometimes found in very experienced meditators.

This is My Struggle

The Law Of One, The Law Is One

Today I woke up feeling lonely and displaced. I was wondering why I always feel this way in my own home.  I have no desire to clean, do laundry or any of the other things that a mom and housewife would do in her home.  All I think about is finding a way to be more than the physical; finding a way to be more than what I am now.  I am afraid in this desire to do something great.  I have so many ideas.  I want to reach out to people.  I want to show them what I know so that they might experience the same blissful desire that is so much more than a job, housework, laundry and raising children.  Yet, in this idea, I am isolated.  That is a better way of putting it.  I am isolated in my own home.  I don't choose this isolation, but have to be here out of my earthly obligations. I am isolated because of lack of time, money and something else....I don't know what this other factor is yet.... This is my struggle. 

So to turn the page....I have a few visions.
I have noticed the intent push from my Being and to lay my hands on certain people.  They will talking about something that is bothering them or hurting them.  I will get this surge of Energy from the Earth in my Root Chakra, then it flows up threw me to my Heart Chakra and out through my hands. Then the rest of my body and Chakras flow together and then in my mind's eye I see what is wrong, sometimes clearly, sometimes not.  I then think or hear something in my Being saying to touch them at a certain area, or to massage a trigger point or a certain reflex point.  For the first time, I followed my intuition and did what I was told to do.  This woman was someone that I knew only professionally. She teaches my son a sport.  She was complaining of hip pain.  I kept thinking that it wasn't really her hip, but her body was transferring the pain from somewhere else and I needed to massage the area in her hand between her thumb and index finger.  I asked her if I could and she said yes.  I took a deep breath found the knot and squeezed. She said it was tender.  It turns out that it was about in the place of the trigger point that connects to the diaphragm and the solar plexus, adrenal gland and kidneys.   I told her a little about reflexology and that she could massage her hands herself in certain areas to help her discomfort. She then showed me her feet and how swollen they were. She was retaining water. She said that my hands were hot and that I seemed to be good at it.  I just smiled and tried to send her Love while I was holding her hand.  The next day when my husband took my son to class again, she told him that she was comfortable within the hour of my massaging her hand for those few minutes and that the swelling in her feet went down as well.  I couldn't believe it.  What a wonderful feeling to have help someone in such a small way just by doing what The Creator was telling me to do.  And all the while I was scared to death.
So what is the worst thing that could have happened. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Except the feeling of discord from not following the Voice (a very loud One) and doing what I was MADE to do.

So in these Visions, Daydreams, Meditation Thoughts, etc....I see myself leading...teaching...healing...mostly healing.  First I am healed through the Power of The Creator. As I use the Energy from the Earth and The Creator, others are placed in my path by coincidence (I don't really believe in coincidence) or shall we say Divine Purpose to receive this Healing as well. However as I am having these images, I feel an intense push for time.  The Message says, "Time is short, quit stalling."

To bring this all together...
I am afraid. I am afraid of the consequences of doing nothing. Yet I sit still because I can't get past the fact that I have no training, no money to do the training and obligations at home.  So still I sit still, very still.  I know what it is that I am suppose to be doing. However I feel lonely, unprepared, uneducated, isolated, and misunderstood.

When I was about 7 years old, a woman came to my church that was a missionary.  She came up to me after the service and asked me if she could talk with me and pray with me.  Of course I said yes, I was just a kid.  She told me that God has something very special for me to do.  She said that God was going to use my hands and my voice for as an Instrument.  Being a child at that time, I thought maybe I was going to play music and sing.  But now looking back I am suppose to teach and let the power of the Earth and The Creator flow through my voice and my hands.
Then I learned later that my name meant Love and Purity.  I have rejected these ideas for many reasons until here recently.

I am an Instrument of Love and Purity; I am a Healer; I am a Teacher; Thanks to the Grace, Gnosis, Love and Forgiveness of The Infinite Creator, and Yeshua.

However, I still feel fear. This is my struggle.

Until next time....
"I leave you in the Love and the Light of the One Infinite Creator. Go forth, then, rejoicing in the Power and Peace. Adonai" -- "Ra" from the book The Law Of One

In the beginning....

Last night I decided to set aside my metaphysical readings and go back to what I know to be Truth.  I needed a break of sorting out all the "weeds" in my searching for wisdom from my Creator and just concentrate on what I know in myself to be true. So I opened the Bible to the book of John.

"In the beginning was the Word: the Word was with God and the Word was God." John 1:1

This statement is so powerful to me because there is so many ways to think about God's infinite Word.  Our English language has dumbed-down the meaning of this statement. So I am going to replace some of the English words with the original Greek words.

The first word being "Word".  The Greek word for this is "Logos".  Logos means so much more that just a word that is spoken.  Since God is infinite and all powerful, one can only imagine what the "Word" of God really is. Logos can mean so many things besides "word". It can mean speech, account, reason, to count, to tell, say, and speak. Logos can also mean pathos (an emotional narrative experience) and ethos (showing moral character in a community, nation, or ideology).

"In the beginning was the Logos: the Logos was with God and the Logos was God."

Wow.  That is so much more powerful to me.

In addition the word "God" is generic to me.  In all me readings, whether they were of use to aid my Being in growing or not, I have come across many names for God.  The main one being "Yahweh".  "Yahweh" in Hebrew means "To Be", "I Am" or the "God Of Israel".  Another word that I have read many times is "Elohim".  "Elohim" is used in the Old Testament as "God" in a singular form that is neither male or female. This makes more sense to  me because I know that God created male and female and has no use for gender.  Then there is Adonai (My Lord), Hashem (The Name), and Ehyeh-Asher-Ehyeh (I Am The Being or I Am That I Am). In addition there is the adjective, "Elah", which means "Awesome". Because of my faith I personally like the word "Yahweh ".  It is the most powerful to me.  Sometimes I like to refer to God as "Yahweh-Elah", ("The Elohim (God) of Israel is Awesome") or most of the time I just simply call him My Creator.

"In the beginning was the Logos: the Logos was with Yahweh and the Logos was Yahweh."

Lastly, the word "beginning" is deceitful because with God there was no beginning. The Creator was always there.  The definition of "beginning" is "the start of an event or action".  This statement really draws the whole statement together.  A synonym for "beginning" is "creation".  This makes more sense to me.

"In the Creation was the Logos: the Logos was with My Creator and the Logos was My Creator."

Beautiful. Just Beautiful.

A Crazy Fat Lady

It has been becoming more and more apparant to me that most people dont view the world and life's purpose as I do. I have tried to remain opptimistic because I know what I was made to do, but no one wants to hear about. Everyone is too busy and when I choose to speak if I feel I have their ear they look at me as though I was a freak of nature or a sadly mentally ill child. I know things that are unexplainable. I see and understand the intangiable. All these things are right with me. I am more comfortable with what the world calls ''freakish'' or ''imagianary'', perhaps ''dislusional'' than what's considered normal. What is normal anyway?
Anyhow, I am searching for a mentor, a friend, someone that can share my views and teach me the ways of the Creator and of the Universe. Something far beyond the reaches of church and retuial. I am beginning to wonder if this even exsist. Perhps I am fucked up in the head and dislusional after all. I desire so many things and I know that I can be a special and original Light in a world that is dark and asleep. Why wont anyone help me? Why doesnt anyone believe me that I can see auras and hear and see spirits.? Why doesnt anyone know what to do with that information? I was told one night that I shouldnt share that with just anyone. And I dont. Maybe I made the wrong chioce in sharing that in the healing circle. I felt that I should get it out there. I feel ignored in every way by the people that I am drawn to the most. Once again just like when I was younger my gifts have seperated me from companionship that I long for so desperately. Everytime I experiance this, I die a little more inside. I am tired of dieing. I want to live and share what I know. I want a mentor. I want a teacher, so I may evolve to the Being that is trapped in my body. I want to show the world what my Creator made me to be. But to the world from the outside looking in, I am just a fat, dislusional lady desperately begging for attention and love in all the wrong places.
sorry for the typos. i am typing from my phone.

Where is the Balance?

Starting last night I have had an array of emotions and feelings and I can't quite shake it.  I felt hopelessness for my yearning to grow in my newly found love for yoga.  This hopelessness spread into the other aspects of my desire to grow in my abilities to practice massage, energy healing work and the ability to see and know things that aren't tangible in the physical.  There is a feeling of being trapped in my home life and lack of money to pay for classes and sessions.  I am trying to be where I am and just be there, but I feel the comfortable push to step forward and use my love and abilities for healing myself and others.  A friend of mine said that this is normal and it's just because I am in this stage of life that I have to be in this part of my life as a wife and mother first.  It is taking every breath and every ounce of energy I have to stay focused at home.  I am constantly searching, writing and praying about what is to come and how I need to prepare my spirit and my childrens spirits.  I have an overwhelming desire to share with others about what my Creator is telling me, especially my family.  My children are young and it is hard for them to understand, but the rest is just like trying to share with a brick wall about the awesomeness of the Creator.
There is a balance, I just don't know where. I am so frustrated with all the distractions from what I KNOW to be true in my Being.